"UnDer Conctrution"

I am under construction; I need a little fixing and renovations....

 

Somehow I learned my lesson; I think this would be better for me.i dont have regrets do in doing such decisions.

 What a great world it is and be wasted as it is. Somehow I am experiencing the nicest history of my life; suffering from rejections and maybe the fixing will be quite hurting but it’s for the better. 

 

I deserve the hurtful words, maybe I’ll be fine next week, next month I’ll be fine, I will find the place I should belong perhaps I still don't no where. being so stupid and cold hearted was not great at this moment but this is life after all overwhelming pain is too bad for the heart condition that I had, still I stick to the two words "I’m sorry" and even it still injure the heart of the other party prayers still have reason to heal the impossible things to be heal....thanks a lot

 

Love jeh.

 

P.S. I’ll be glad to write something again but for now let the injury of everybody heal not by our time but in god’s time. Preferably I am not saying goodbye to this blog after all this is the avenue of what my heart desire most but next time I’ll be back and I’ll be able to forgive others and especially myself. Thanks for the understanding and I’ll be treasuring that all through out.

 

Meantime this Blog will have its own time to injure the pain of life.

 

But for sure I’ll be back. In time......

"THE TUNE OF MY LIFE"

Every song no matter how beautiful it is will have to end on its last note; like everyday has its night all that has started will have to end in its own time.

              Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow; we must fail in order to know. Sometimes we vision only clears after our eyes are washed away with tears.

I am the one who bids goodbye, I am the one who loose the grip and stop holding on.  I felt the relief of saying goodbye but then I still have the heavy heart for hurting someone who makes difference in my life.  I maybe right, when I found out the answer to my question why? I maybe addicted to the pain of wanting somebody I cant have that’s why I can’t move forward where I should belong.

I am just so thankful for he let free my wings and finds my place where I belong.

Yeah, nothing really is permanent in this word and not even the love we cherished would be with us forever, there’s no guarantee about love and getting risk is still the final answer but then we have to take chances to find our self first and learn what really love means.

 

But then somehow along the way, the saying “no pain no gain” is still applicable in my life right now

"VICTIM WITH MY OWN CHOICE"

I was awaken by the loud ring of the phone; (sigh) I hate waking up early but then the caller must be too persistent, it keeps on ringing. I sigh again and pick the phone. He calls in the middle of the dawn to tell me story that I never thought it would be more painful than it is. For about 30 minutes I was shock and all I did was listening; and that was the first time in my whole life that I did.

                                          

Hello, are you still there? He asks with a little crack on his voice I nodded and then realizing that I was asked someone by the phone then I said silently “yes”.

 

I just wanted to be honest with you Jeh, he said it again. Well when I know that you already have a Boyfriend, I sadly said to Him (no need to name names) that I was damn stupid for letting it happen being near too you is an advantage yet pass it by was the craziest thing I did, but I guess it shows that were not for each other and you let me learn a lesson that made me realize things.

As much as I wanted to let him stop, I have the will to listen that even it hurts I wanted to know what’s with him that makes my day as heavy as clouds outside the window, he continues as I am frantically breathing.

You make me realize that being to insecure can make and break me and I have lost the most important person in life.

 In that words the tears started to fall, I guess this is it! Oh how I hope he never learned such lesson, oh I hope he never had that courage to tell me; but then it’s all happening.

 

Then I ask, what did you mean? Why are you telling me all these stuff? With hesitant he answers. Well, after learning that we can’t be together I tried hard to change direction and accept it, He told me you already know what I felt, I realize last night that I have to move forward for I had already someone.

 

 I pause for awhile and think his what? He had someone? Gotcha! His making it hard for me, I silently cry and told him.

 Ah ok, that’s good, I know that you’re only thinking about the friendship and his also thinking about it too.  “Jeh” he calls my name again, and it sounds like an angel when he utters those three letters of my name.

 

I don’t know how it ended, I can’t tell how it hurts, and it is just like yesterday that I know he felt something then now his telling that he learned so he grabs every opportunity that he had. 

The gap will always be there the friendship will never stay the same.

 

As I sit by here what I learned that I never waited, if I just waited for a long time if I just don’t give up, there must be possibility.

 

What makes people more sentimental and sad is the thought that memories are the only thing that never changes when everything else does. And what are hard to erase is the memories that keeps on haunting and the unanswered “what if” in life.

 

I am the Victim of my own choices, and I what is hard is when I walk away I thought he would run after me. But then he decides to stop and I was left affected. 

If only I just wait, it must be a dream come true. Well, I am thinking their right; the best way to loose a friend is to tell him that you love him.

 

This is a typical story that sometimes we overlooked, we keep on finding for something too magical then there we realize that sometimes its making an illusion that in the middle of the madness we get to see that the one who we really dream is the one whose been there with us for such a long time; and then we taken them for granted that’s the irony of life and love itself.

 

 We were blinded of those frogs we kissed that we believe our price charming and we wait for the wrong prince for we extremely believe that they just go around finding the foot that fits the glass slipper, seeing the irony isn’t it? 

                                    

"My Living Legacy" (MLL)

I always do blogs, writing in my journal; telling true things about something that amazes me, feelings and experience of the day

 

As I always say writing is a therapeutic thing for me that release the irregularity of what I felt.  

 

I believe that my legacy and mission in life is to be heard by my writings, and be a writer in my own way!

 

Frustrated it may be but in God’s time it will be realize………..

 

I live to write and be heard, and make the untold stories to be known. 

The empty waiting shed

Alone in the empty waiting shed, a bit nostalgic, where did I go wrong, I’ve done my best but why it isn’t enough, is something really holding my back and trying 2 push me in something that is worth for me at all…

 they are already finish the line…. All throughout but I am stranded in this empty waiting shed all alone.

Life is like a waiting shed…All u need s waiting and patience, but then after meeting all those people you just realize you have 2 get going, u have to stand up and find a perfect place for you to stay.

 

Life indeed is full of better things to do than remembering. 

the day of mine

Its kind a great day,

  Hopefully tomorrow, get the good feedback for another day ahead of job haunting.

 

Thank you for my Bok who’s all the way there at my side…..

"Words Of Lightning"

Sometimes words strikes like lightning; and you’ll never know how it affects you. (It hurts, cause of pain, downfall of confident, downfall of pride)

 

No one knows how hurt I am; for I can’t find someone who will listen and understand what emotion is running through my veins everyday. 

Before I thought no one can affects me but now WORDS do. Strange that the people you thought who could be there right at your side would be the one who will knocks of your head and lay down your confident in the lower pace of your life.  Indeed you can’t blame them but still I won’t blame my self though.

 

I thought nothing wrong, but then there is…. Probably no one can understand for I can’t also figure it out! It’s so depressing.

 

Once in my life I always get dumped for the better one, I always get the 2^nd choice for the best one, I thought of “what’s wrong with number 2 and second best but then there are these people whom you thought would be the best person who would calm and agrees with you makes you feel more sorry for yourself.

 

For the first time of my life I was hurt again and again when I’ve got to hear it in my mind the WORDS that hit me once. It’s a torture that keeps on coming back, now I realize one thing, Words hurts million times than you’ll be hit by a car. Sometimes I thought of getting myself a wound than letting words penetrates my being. 

 

Words can make or break you, words hurts more than anything else, sometimes its good to hear nothing than to hear those words that crushes your emotion; in this world full of uncertainties why does people love to see you down than say a word that will make your light in a simple way.

 

JUST BE A SIMPLE CANDLE of words than A LIGHTNING of HURTFUL words.

what i felt...

theres something wrong.........I'm in the crowded world but then i felt so alone....

I have the feeling of guilt, I was never been true...

I wish i never tell a lie...

Facing such reality

Facing Reality

 

One step at a time is my motto. But then I have to make it fast, the world is a fast pacing one and I can’t afford to just take one step at a time when all of them conquer already what they want.

    

     Wanting something is more than having your freedom to face the world with what it takes; when I look back and image the past things about my life I’ve seen reality that it’s not that bad. I enjoyed the privilege in taking the course that I wanted to had and I had experience the most colorful and full of surprises as a college student.

 

     When I meet the most wonderful people along the passage I discover that life indeed is has its uncertainty, I love the life that have step on and I’ll never be thankful as I am thankful on this day.  

 

Dominique gives me the undisputed friendship that I always recall and Marisol never gives me the idea that being a NBSB is an out thing in our friendship, but then I fall in love and falling with that man is the greatest thing I ever know but it lasted and right in this moment I know we will remain civil with each other.

Then After a change of Dominique’s career the friendship come to its silent mode, Marisol continue its college life, I proceed working unfortunately my first job doesn’t justify my college knowledge but then I meet the kind of people that need that job most. Then, the second one was a half way PAG-IBIG FUND was the great experience indeed; in marketing I manage the half woman and half girl living, I earned and live a happy life with my co-workers and I’ll never forget who made that experience memorable and beautiful one.

 

Who could ever forget the crying moments in the tambuli Resort because saying goodbye is the hardest thing to say. I quote Kuya Christian “saying goodbye is tough but we need to move on and grow for the good of you and for the others. And when I come back to school I saw different faces; the face that sooner I learned to love most.

There and then I learned that their more than enough to me. Friendship really does good thing that molded my being and social life ahead.

 

Thanks to all, 

"wrote this for someone away"

♥Left empty ♥

The sun sets, the wind blows,

The sky goes to a sudden solitude,

This is another chance to see someone

Who let my heart suit what it pleaded.

The dream I’ve been looking forward,

The man I’ve been dreaming of,

Surely outlived the pain in me but

He's always been the sky I wanted to achieve.

Waking up is not the hardest thing to do;

It’s waking up without him in reality that’s aching,

That sometimes dreaming is just illusion,

and I’ve been dreaming of the tough guy to love,

the hardest person to figure out that sore in my heart.

The sun rises, the warm rays touches my skin,

the clock ticks like time was rapidly running,

then I saw him with the perfect woman in town,

I stare at his hand holding hers, seeing mine empty,

empty heart, empty soul, empty hands, I was left empty.

Maybe I was left empty for dreaming and waiting,

Left empty for not waking up too soon to see him,

Left empty for always believing in destiny in love

I may not be cynical and be sorry about it, but if I am just truer,

the man I called heaven had someone he called angel.

I guess saying goodbye is not hard if I could accept that it’s not me, but her.

I made this poem and made a translation way back in my college days.....

My heart belongs to you; even I am invisible to your eyes.

The beaches that we've been are the solemn witness for my feeling for you.

I may be a silent observer, and I conceal my feelings towards you.

You’re the perfect guy I know.

It hurts to love you but still I do.

 

 

 

El corazón pertenece a usted, aún yo soy invisible a los ojos. Las playas que hemos sido son el testigo solemne para mi sentimiento para usted. Puedo ser un observador silencioso, y yo ocultan mis sentimientos hacia usted. Su el tipo perfecto que sé. Duele adorarle pero todavía hago.

 JLC

“Departure”

(The pressure of leaving)

     Life is a cycle we meet along the way then somewhere over the end we said goodbye; but we all know that the journey of life doesn’t have a dead end, along through the process people met again unexpectedly.  This departure means not an ending; in life there is no ending but a new beginning; a beginning that will make a big difference to the life we treasure so much.

     Time is uncontrollable and I think its been a good indication that we people shouldn’t waste it for some irrelevant matters, when someone ask me what will I be expecting after march 21 2009 pass by, I took a deep breath and answer it with no arrogance with “ I don’t know. Maybe there are common denominator to the persons or students who graduated last year and to the students who will graduate this year its; the dilemma of where to go forward after everything. 

     For me the departure that I am telling over and over is the departure that I was threatening of, where to go is something crime if you don’t know where the map of life goes, the dependent me will take charge of everything from the decision making to the taking over of the “steering wheel of life”. After two months, the bitter sweet successes have to end and real life struggle will be on my side. I will be saying goodbye to my friends who stand by me through think and thin, who always push me up when I feel down and the friends who let me come out to my shell and believe that everything happens for a reason, four years in school wouldn’t be as good as this because of my trusted friends who I meet unexpectedly.

     I learned something so treasureable from the mentors and friends it’s believing that you can do something right out of the negative situation along the way, I may not be the most intelligent student my teacher had but I believe I’ve learn some thing I can look back through my college departure. 

Who I am?

I don’t want to say that I am simple because I guess I lived for my dreams and I dream higher than everybody does; so that if I fall I don’t have regrets for I dream higher than I could.

 

I only write my heart out, I guess I  was born to be a writer, I wrote my stories, my friends stories...my living legacy is die to be remembered.

 

I don’t dream to change the world but I dream to change 360 degree angle of my life.

 

I survive because I have my family, friends and the drive to love myself more than I could love anybody else...

 

I am misunderstood by my moody attitude, but when I am going to describe myself? I am the most sweetest person on earth, I can always remember the special occasion I have in my family and  friends, I am the most thoughtful person you’ll ever encounter and I am sensitive; sensitive to the feelings to others that’s why I am expecting others to be sensitive to my feeling too.  But as person as I am I have my negative attitude too, I  easily change my emotions and feelings, I easily get irritated to someone I don’t  like.

 But I can please everyone, I can be plastic that life anyway.