" FOr YOU "

My soft words and warm heart are true
And my thoughts are consumed by you
you are sweet destiny, my sweet fate
My dear love, you were worth the wait

I wish I could feel your embrace
And gaze upon your face
I wish the time would quickly pass

Share your soul with me 'til that time
And I will open and share mine
Tell me your heart's truest desire
For you have set my heart on fire

Bare your soul and all its beauty
I will bare mine to you truly
Cling to me and hold me tightly

Allow me to meet with you there
Deep within your heart's purest realm
Do not hide from me, let me see
All you are, and all you will be

Love me without worry or fear
Because to me you are so dear
Know that I am a jumblin' mess
It is for you, I must confess


Woo me with your words of wonder
And talk to me like no other
Let me hear your soul speak to mine
Let me taste your words like fine wine

Do not allow me to run, hide
Promise me you will ebb the tide
And always seek me when I flee
To promise me, it's me you see

Do not let me escape in fear
Or pull away from you my dear
Pursue me like the restless sun
Until the day my heart you've won

Then hold my heart against your heart
And help me wish upon that star
That on the day at last our souls will be complete.

"pagsalop sa adlaw"

Usahay dili malikayan nga maghunahuna sa mga kaagi, usahay bisan sa mga butang na gusto na nimong kalimtan mubalik lang na walay pananghid..

sunset

nilubog na ang adlaw ug nisugod na ug gawas ang maanindot na kolor sa langit; bug-at kaayo ang pamati, dili malikayan sa babaye ang masubo kay ang mga tao na nawala ug mga tao na gipiling mo palayo...

sauna, sa dili pa lisod sabton ang tanan, mahimo ra man unta niyang mag inusara, okay raman unta kaayo niyang mo uli matag adlaw gikan sa eskwelahan padulong sa ilaha... dili niya kinahanglan ug kuyog sa canteen, sa cr, sa library..

hangtod nausab ang tanan sa dihang nasuwat na sa iyang diksyonaryo ang amiga ug amigo.. para niya molabay lang ang tanan... para niya walay permamenti.. sakit pamalandongon na ang usa sa mga gikahadlukan niya kay mao mismo ang perming nag paduol niya...

Una, ang iyang "lolo" nisunod ang tao na abi niya okay ra na mawala, ang mga tao na nagustuhan niya ug ang mga tao na nag usab sa dagan sa iyang kinabuhi... wa niya damha na mingawon pud diay siya sa tao na nag palipay niya sa panahong lisod mahunahunaan ang pagkatawa ug pahiyom...

UU, sayop niya na nag palayo siya ug una, pero mabasol ba nimo siya na mahadlok masakitan, na nahadlok kay paspas ra kaayo ang tanan?

gibuhat niya ang tanan matagad lang siya, makuha lang niya ang numero, ug maausab lang ang dagan sa gituhuan niyang "destiny" pero sayop siya ang usa ka desisyon na pagpalayo mao hinooy rason ngano samatag mahunahuna niya nasubo siya... dili na niya mabalik ang saunang pag hinigalaay, ang text na makapakatawa ug ang mga panahong magkuyog sila...

nilabay na ang panahon ug tuig, dili malimod na may tagsa-tagsa na karon silang kinabuhi na gipadagan, siguro dili na mausab ang pagpangatawa nila samtang nag basa sa horoscope sa newspaper, dili na sila pwde magkaon ug mani samtang nag lakaw pauli... mga butang na dili na pede..

gimingaw siya sa amigo na naminaw niya, sa amigo na pede niyang daganan,textsan if naay problema..ang amigo na dugay na diay niabot pero iya rang gi buhi-an... mao na ang mga rason nganong gimingaw siya.. mga rason na nag pa hout sa iyang dughan...

panagsa raman gud moabot ang amigo na tinoud diha nimo, panagsa raman gud moabot ang tao na pwede nimong sulti-an sa tanan, ang tao na bisan unsa pa kabati sa imong batasan mo lingkod gihapon sa imong kilid ug maminaw sa tanan nimong giyawyaw... mabalik pa ba diay ang na usik na panahon? mabalik pa bah diay ang higala na nag patindong nimo samtang wala nakay magunitan para mo barong? dili ra man siya ang higala na iyang maduolan, pero sa kadaghan sa iyang higala wala na siya kahibao kung kinsa ang tinoud, kung kinsa ang makasabot..

swerte ang ubang tao na nakita na nila ang gihandum na higala, ang tao na magpahinumdum na ni strike nka sa imong pagka ikaw..:)

Nagpasalamat si babaye, na bisan sa mubo na panahon nag kahigalaay sila ni lalaki, na tungod sa kagamay sa utok sauna sa babaye naka-ilaila niya si lalaki.. .. dako gihapon ang pasalamat niya na sa panahong ni tutok ang babaye sa lalaki ni bawos pud ug pahiyum.. ug sa kadaghan ug sayop na desisyon na nahimo ang babaye, usa ra jud ka desisyon na kahibao siya na wala cxa nasayop... Ang desisyon na gipahuwam niya ug ballpen si lalaki, na magtambay siya atong lugara ug naki-pagilaila cxa...

salamat kay ni abot siya sa iyang kinabuhi...

lalaki: gurl, di man ka lisod sabton if imo lang pud sabton imong kaugalingon ( sulti sa lalaki kay babaye)

babaye: sagdi alng gud ikaw ra bitaw ang nakasabot kay naagi-an man nimo... ang tanan na akong naagian.. :)

lalaki: dili man kinahanglan maagian sa tao na gusto mahigugma nimo ang imong gi-agian.... maka sabot ra na sila kay gihigugma man ka... :)

siya ang nag pasabot sa babaye na " If a person will love you tomorrow why not now?"-----"If a person is willing to love you why not understand you more"

gusto lang ipahibalo sa babaye na ikaw gihapon ang naginusarang amigo na dili niya kalimtan... na iyang bawnon ang mga pahiyom na imong gihatag sa iyaha... nadaku gihapon ang iyang utang kabubot-n na niabot ka sa iyang kinabuhi... kung asa man ka karon, dakong pasalamat niya sa ginoo na ikaw ang gipadalang instrumento na mahimong anghel sa usa ka babaye na nag-inusara...

hinaout sa babaye na dili nimo kalimtan na pede gihapon nimo siyang matawag na gurl... ug pede pa unta ka niyang matawag na boi...

Kung asa man mong duha dalhon sa kinabuhi, hinaot magkasugat gihapon mo... :)

A Eye opener ( realization)

I just got a feeling of blogging this midnight... It's a bit confuzzle (confusing & puzzled)..

I couldn't believe that people allowed people to hurt and to be hurt.. well maybe because I'm just truer to myself, that if you're hurting leave as fast as you can, and think that you can.. oh darn yeah true...

I saw the reality ahead!..., I saw the ungratefulness and pains of each individual was going through because of that F*** LOVE.. I'm not a anti-love as a matter of fact I am a believer of LOVe that LOVE is this and that.. but I often saw a situation that sometimes gives me a buckle of fears about why's and how it happen...

I personally this couple, they love each other they even closed to perfect family... You can see couples like them in every travel of our lives but How would you feel if you're in the situation that after a long run of relationship You'll end up knowing that his been married to the other woman @ the other place and it leaves you to be the other woman...(kabit)

so tragic for children, and we only leave them a confuzzle situation to the affected people of how it happen? and why it happen...

Another is...

.I've known this man, well not that closed but we known each other... I know his a perfect dad, a perfect idealism of man.. but how could he afford to live with two woman at the same time... and the situation is different to the 1st one, this time the door is open, the knowledge is breaking free to the legal wife, but so ironic that he still believe his husband... does this mean that the wife has too much love for the man or she's this woman that wants a intact family for her children??

So tragic for children to live a life that was too blinded by the truth;a life with out acceptance....

why is it in every breaking or wasted relationship the last person to know is the affected person??? such an Ironic life and too much to enumerate 1 by 1...

I blog not for the women nor for the man's view, I'm blogging because I'm a child, I'm a daughter and sooner I will be the wife, the mother and the parents of my grandchildren..

I have so many question:

* why is it there are people whose not contented of 1 person....

* how could they say I love you when They've been telling another person I love you??

* is it love ? staying for someone even if it's hurting much?

as my question goes I'm formulating an idea...and all of you may agree or not...

= If matago tagoan pero bisan unsa kadugay nimo gitago "walay asong ma kumkom...

( pertaining to secret relationship or secrets that was been hidden by the past)

= past would haunt you in the future,...

= People change

(like season), nagbabago ang tao tulad ng panahon, di pedeng kung mabait cxa ngayon mabait cxa habang buhay..

the ironic life is even you know the person you'll not sure enough of them...

I want to ask mom what does she make to find someone like papa... but even I didn't ask her I did read between the line that PAPA is a god's gift to her, that she's asking almighty to give a man like papa to him...

maybe, a little bit of searching, a big GOD over there and a full length faith inside...

I'm not still sure why everything happens...... and If it happens for a reason what's the BIG reason why it happen??

People complicate life and People made decisions and that decision leaves a more remarkable effects of what the action has done...

NOTE: a word cunfuzzle comes from the word confusing and puzzled. ^_^

What's your favorite season of the year?

Summer

Ask me anything

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/jelay23

unbearable

I don’t know what to feel, or maybe I know but I can’t accept the fact that I’m feeling this way, so tired of being the one who waited to that someone that might not fall..

one second I’m happy, another minute I’m sad…. am I this crazy? or maybe It’s always been my fault and after all it’s always been my fault…

my heart is exhausted and I wanted to burst out again!…. I shouldn’t call a friend this time because I know that their not into my drama and they can never understand why sometimes I need just a RH me to have reason to cry out loud or cry like a baby!

TO: the sad man

If I could bring you a world full of happiness,..I would. If I could take all your sadness and pain, and feel them for you I would.


..

there is nothing that i wouldn’t do for you to bring laughter instead of tears into you’re life.. I can be there to tell you that i can take care of your heart, that I can be there beside you if you want to.

If you’re still in pain; I wouldn’t change how you feel but I’ll go through these times with you.

Your so special to me, and I’ll make you feel special too…

If your still sad, maybe they are right, “if you’re not the right medicine for that someone that patient couldn’t be healed”

maybe by that time, I’ll be silently saying goodbye and silently loving you…

from: the silent woman

A thought....

why make life complicated..................

do the thing if it's worth taking risk, then risk! when you think it's good to take chances now and not the next day then do it know.. most people and that includes me was too afraid to take risk, too scared to take chances and do the decision making now. why? because of the reason that they can't blame anyone if the game wouldn't work it out well! and no one can take the name blame..

if you think you still feel something for her/him and your too undecided to take one more chance then don't, if you risk then risk, it's a matter of making things surely good for you. If you say you don't then don't give so much explanation people might think you still want but afraid.. No one wins if there's no loser and vice-versa; life is a game plan and all we need to do is play the game and ready to take that challenge, if it works u win if it doesn't then accept the fact that u loose.

One I accept about life is that, take all the happiness then if your still unhappy then search for it, there's no ending in finding, it's a cycle that made the search so unpredictable.. In any ways we never satisfied in everything, if we got a short lived relationship we complain for we wanted to have a long good for lasting love-relationship ahead and when we get what we wanted we complain because it's too boring, nothing spectacular happens, that we were in the stagnant, stuck relationship..see? that's people, that's too human, and when all recovering is coming we want that person back to were they belong in our hearts.

I always had this funny thought that life is full of ironic circumstances and that situation is too funny when you look back and trace where it belongs...

why it works to take the risky part, me I always take risk of finding and having, I don't want to take where the river flows as they say, i don't want wind take me where does it want to take me.. I believe that taking a struggle to go somewhere you want to go is worth it that being there because wind blows you to where you are... I'm not against on going where the river flows and flying where the wind blows but then LIFE IS A BATTLE FIELD you have to fight for what you want, for what you like for what you think is for you and when things wont fit in or things wont leads you to the path that you want to take, a soldier knows when and where to cease a fire...

When you ask me if I am in the position where you are, if I would take chances? or would I fall back again... I'm not against in holding on, it's natural, it's a prerogative to make, it a choice because life is a choice happiness is a choice go were you are happy and fit in, but when it doesn't work why hold on? if in the first step it stumble, learn to take another step but when it doesn't then learn to let go..... If you're hurting but you're happy on that then go, why ask someone who doesn't understand what you feel? people can make advices but in the end of the day, you end up setting on that corner and the decision leads you there...

people are different, that makes us unique, people strive to understand but what matter is you know what you want, you know what you like, and you know what makes you happy... that's the main goal in life BE HAPPY.

me personally, I'm happy being the 3rd person of every story, I mean I'm happy seeing people happy and in love, I'm happy being sad or I'm happy being me... that's me. it's for the people to understand and people to take any choice to be with me or not. It's risk to be different but at least it's worth the risk...

To whoever you are and To you:

Take chances, If that makes you happy, Take steps just to make life more memorable; If you re still bitter about it then fix to make it sweeter, do the plan B if plan A doesn't work... I'm not the expert but I had this viewpoint as a girl, as woman, as a ex-lover as a friend, as a human...

TRUE HAPPINESS IS A LONG TERM HAPPINESS.. just take risk, experiment you just don't know what happen next but when you look back you can put a genuine smile in your lips saying; I've been there once and it makes me happy..

^______^

top 10 Reasons (why I'm weird/crazy/unique) or whatever they call it.

I know more about myself yet it takes weeks to get this notes done, hmmmm this is not an issue or a problem yet it gives me a headache composing this just-just notes.. I just feel like sharing this one in this notes ^_^

one of the weirdest things... anyways, I'm just too bored; I felt that I'm not sad (considering I'm a dramatic person) I'm not happy too...see i'm in between and usually tha's not me... trivia: most of the times, I'm the extreme to the extreme person. I t felt good !!!

whenever I extremely happy and when I'm sad I'm extremely sad. (i dunno if that's a good thingy or not but that's me).

Lets get going; here's the top 10 reasons.

1. Ethyl Alcohol Addict; I dunno where and when it started but I don't get a good sleep whenever I can't put on alcohol in my skin. if gurls can't sleep not doing a routine in their faces, me I'm different i can't sleep without this routine. ^_^ and guess my rooms smeels like a hospital but it soothes my nose anyways.

2. Coffee Addict; there is something on coffee that keeps my blood vessel relax and my soul unwind, yeah it settle my concious mind and makes me lov my bed. :) I usually drink coffee in any variety...sweet, no sugar, coffe with peanut butter, coffee with milo etc. and i consume more than 5 coffee a day well, I'm the only one who loves coffe in the family and when my aunt give us that box of coffe it means "it's for me" :)

"Coffee Addiction"



3. Noctornal; yeah, if animals are noctoral does this mean I am? dunno really. but I like to borrow the term and use it to modify my "wierdoness" . I'm so productive when all people are dead (ahaha joke) I mean ideas keep on running when all people are asleep like bats and owl. :) actually I had this biological clock of creativeness ahaha it's 10:00 pm to 2:00 am but I can stay up until 3 am kinnda----> ahaha I only know 2 peson who could stay up just for talking and texting.. it's Lab and Luvy (roselma and rica) :)

4. Cluttered-Full-Bed;(it's a need) actually everything is connected, because I got a nocturnal life style and thoughts running every night or when I'm at bed, notes, paper, pens, scratch thing and all those writing materials are on my bed. I sleep with them literally.

5. Obsessive Compulsive; (room attention). this is a reminders for my sisters and brother, I know exactly where things are place and when things are gone I know someone get it or touch it! creepy really but my room is my room. but technically it doest implies on our house just in my room and my things :)

6. Lunatic; (modifier) call it crazy in that way, it seems that I am much "sensi" (sensitive) if the full moon is up, nah i just notice it so well. nostalgic this time :P pretty well that the fullmoon and me connives that way and well luvy (rica) is on of that connection.ahaha yeah I'm not alone in this modifier.. rica owns this one too... and I usually feel like writing sad notes when monny (fullmoon) is staring at me in my window!

7. Running-Mind-Syndrome; {making words again :)} ahaha i must explain this so well... hmmm all minds are running and my mind is different it runs so fast, ( I wrote stories, poems and even conversations) and there are times that it pours so much that I cant even start something connected. hmm yeah myself needs an outlet to put on whatever things in my mind because when I won't write those words or scenes that pops out into my brainy I get restless.. ahaha i don't kow if thats the exact term for it. sometimes my brain and emotions don't connive. (its relly crazy but its true. :( ).

8. SpongeBob Personality; (this is funny) LoL. I love spongebob..but this one doesn't mean about SpongeBob the Square Pants....

I can't say I want this personality but it gives me something "I'm worth living here" kindda feeling. like a sponge I absorb, I stay; many times I usually absorb things. I use absorb as synonym of listening and staying if someone wants a talkies it maybe happy or sad. I absorb feeling and I want everyone feels good. (genuinely) everyone is welcome ahahaha but sometimes i choose who to listen, where to stay... I guess it's a matter of who wants or who let me stay. :)

9. In Love Of the Thoughts Of LOVe; I guess it's really me, (I'm a writer) even my works does'nt publish in any papers, I call myself a writer because qouting a book I've read. god's note: ( be a writer on youre own way and the way will be given). I Love love stories even it's not mine, i love happy romantic and even those tragic to fantasies. I had a world of my own about stories and I think LOVE is so great to have... I feel in love even not to the person, I feel in love on and in everything under the sunn.. and because I got the Love thoughts I also feel heartbroken even if no reason.. the two variety of LOVE, the two faces of LOVE are my friends and that makes me a realistic-romantic.....

10. ten??? hmmmmmmm I guess I take this one as mine. ^____^.... I'll leave this number 10 to all of you who wants to discover my weirdoness. well give a try!!--------- that makes me more exciting.

In life, in world; I know people get connected because their unique.. the totality of the person depends on what they want people get to know them..... it maybe crazy but it'c closer to reality or even the reality. ^_^ its me and no one can change the facts that I think I'm still the weirdest person I know so well even though its head whacking

xoxo..

tnx byway to Lab and Luvy and to Pooh ( ralph menor) for the ideas and to my inspirtion (ff)

Does the world is too small for the both of us???

The individual I avoided too much is the person I’ll be dealing with! I face people; I never leave a hanging situation with everyone.  I always told my self that confrontation is better than keeping silence, but this time is different I don’t want to see him for I maybe hurt million times again. 

 All people judge me as what they see me, but they never understand how I felt about the turning back with out the closure.

Now; I never thought that the day I’ve hated, the day that the truth will be mapped out to my face is the day that I consider the most depressing day.

As I pass by that familiar street, I prayed harder that he’ll not see me and I wont see him; does God really hated me? I saw him as he saw me.  I started to feel the pain once again I find place to hide or even do the fastest walk; but too much of my dismay a common friend call up and I was left with no choice but stay and wait for them to go nearer.

 If I could call my Best at that time I’ll scream to hell but who could understand the feeling? I can’t even explain why my heart sounds like a rushing cars, my brain is in panicked. 

As our friend talks, I never dreamed to interrupt! But the silence of both of us makes the creepy feeling go farther. Seconds later he breaks the unbeatable silence. (manglibre si****di ka mo kuyog) as he says that he look @**** in eyes.  I don’t want to be coward, but the funniest thing hope keeps my head nod.

I walk with them; my friend keeps on talking to pound the uneasiness. Near by we saw a food shop, we take our sits and my friend offer to order so the silence keeps on going.

He stares @ me.  He asks me (kumusta?) the most exploited answer was I’m fine (okay rah) Jel, sorry…….the word I never thought he’ll be uttering at that moment, for god sake! Its decades when he calls me Jel, when He talks to me, I just  look @ his eyes but the pain that was been haunting doesn’t hurt that much….I told him, okay rah to oi, lets forget about it but I know deep with in I don’t want to forget.

 

After that 2 minutes of talks, we started eating, friend ask if where am I going, I told them that I’ll be heading home unexpectedly he said to friend that  he’ll be going home too and he looks at me and said lets go with a smile.

Crazy thing is the smallest hope goes bigger not only in second but microsecond.

 

The world goes round, my world is shaking! He asks for us to talk, I nod to confirm to keep the story shorter; he explain the reason, he gives me the painful truth.

His having a wonderful relationship, his living with her and he confirms that he looks at me as a sister. (toinks)

All those crazy times, all those crazy deeds we only lack one thing right communication.   

But I still wish we never bumped with each other, that I never new the truth, in that I have the reason to say I am in love….I’ll had the finest person to blame why I cant move on. I don’t know what’s next but somehow relieve……..

maybe that’s what they call the world would be smaller if the perfect time is nearer. 

Dying To Have

Ever since I’m dying to have all the sweets in the world and I love to have everything; from cakes, ice cream and chocolates ever! 

But then my health deprive me to have it all? how could be the world so wonderful if i don’t have all the sweets i love most? life without sweet is such 

an unfair world! [diabetes is such a sad health ailment] then i thought: It’s like loving something you can’t have and it’s not good for you.

such a broken heart; why everything had its limitation?

a poem for you....

Farther

 

On the far side of failure,

Beyond the path of rejection

Far past the ghost

Of Doubt and dejection.

 

Just a bit farther,

Than life’s toughest question

Over the stream running

After each lost discerning

 

Farther along than the extra smile

Floating farther than the lovely isle

Over chasm deep where things seems worst,

Through hardened deserts overcome by thirst.

 

The road traveled less lies the hidden valley

Of massive success.

"CIrcUmstances"

Circumstances

 

            When I was a child I love life because of its simplicity, I was driven into a realization that life is a matter of living it the way I want it to be, but as the time goes by, I never expected that it would be more than a simple in the sense that a caterpillar not just bloom into a beautiful butterfly, more than simple because everything change in the way there are; everybody grows old, thinking of how to handle life’s complexities.  Unpredictable the only thing I notice through experiences I had.

           

            In life there are also decisions made that changes my life to a different circumstances bad or good; in every life’s situation there are the scene that I get hurt, but sometimes it is the reason why my personality boost, it is personal decisions that matters. Choosing something when I was older enough is difficult; it’s not like choosing flavors of ice cream or choosing of pair of shoes and toys when I was in my childhood time.  Making decision and choosing change when I grow older, I got a hard time to make decision because there are still this circumstances that I had to consider, I take each step as an interaction between my mind and heart.

 

            Whatever life give us, complication, dream, fantasy one thing I must considered and remembered that the child once I am are still in my heart. 

 

So there no way to feel unhappy because I once live the simple and uncomplicated life………..

"HiGh ScHoOl BaRkAdA"

we shared moments...since high school.....

then till the day one of us take a vow and live a life a family life...were still solid we know that.......

Once I had only happy days ahead of me

Not a single gloom can penetrate 

my spirit

Because I had the group of friends who stood by me

Always making me feel I am somebody.

So I wandered along for years

In a school full of strangers who care nothing

About me

Hoping against hope to dear God almighty

To give me strength to strive for something.

 

And the day on I got to know an angels

Who’s been my companion since then until now,

God introduce me to a group

A group of very smart people that I hardly knew

I was so scared, as scared as I can be like a

Hungry mouse caught in a trap.

But all of you welcome me with open arms

 

Together with the batch and from the day on I hardly cried

For deep inside I feel like I can fly.

 

Sheena, Jessah, Blesyl, Jean

All four of them are exotic beauty

They greet my grouchy mornings

With their serene smiles and melodious hellos.

Physics which is my most hated subject became so much fun with contagious best Jessah

Who never seems to stop laughing when everyone is always game.

 

Then there’s Jean, the clown of the group who never fail to make us laugh

Accompanied by eg2x who’s an action makes us laugh more and more.

 

When it comes to a partner, it’s a tandem of me and Blesyl

If you want to know what’s the love story today don’t forget to call 

us everyday.

 

Model for snapshots is not a problem anymore

If you have Sheena in the store because she always have the angelic beauty available for camera when it starts to roll.

 

 

I finally realize GOD has given me the most

Wonderful of friends

Who make me feel at peace and cherished at last

Upon this poem inspired by them all truly. 

My most wonderful summer

With the Calinawan Family

with LuvZ Rica
with the boys
new found friend LL and ejun
with the little bro raymound
with ate and little franz

I never been so happy as it is, i experience the things i never did before, even my sun burn is hurtng i still love the beach anyway and the fun with the new friends!

"UnDer Conctrution"

I am under construction; I need a little fixing and renovations....

 

Somehow I learned my lesson; I think this would be better for me.i dont have regrets do in doing such decisions.

 What a great world it is and be wasted as it is. Somehow I am experiencing the nicest history of my life; suffering from rejections and maybe the fixing will be quite hurting but it’s for the better. 

 

I deserve the hurtful words, maybe I’ll be fine next week, next month I’ll be fine, I will find the place I should belong perhaps I still don't no where. being so stupid and cold hearted was not great at this moment but this is life after all overwhelming pain is too bad for the heart condition that I had, still I stick to the two words "I’m sorry" and even it still injure the heart of the other party prayers still have reason to heal the impossible things to be heal....thanks a lot

 

Love jeh.

 

P.S. I’ll be glad to write something again but for now let the injury of everybody heal not by our time but in god’s time. Preferably I am not saying goodbye to this blog after all this is the avenue of what my heart desire most but next time I’ll be back and I’ll be able to forgive others and especially myself. Thanks for the understanding and I’ll be treasuring that all through out.

 

Meantime this Blog will have its own time to injure the pain of life.

 

But for sure I’ll be back. In time......

"THE TUNE OF MY LIFE"

Every song no matter how beautiful it is will have to end on its last note; like everyday has its night all that has started will have to end in its own time.

              Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow; we must fail in order to know. Sometimes we vision only clears after our eyes are washed away with tears.

I am the one who bids goodbye, I am the one who loose the grip and stop holding on.  I felt the relief of saying goodbye but then I still have the heavy heart for hurting someone who makes difference in my life.  I maybe right, when I found out the answer to my question why? I maybe addicted to the pain of wanting somebody I cant have that’s why I can’t move forward where I should belong.

I am just so thankful for he let free my wings and finds my place where I belong.

Yeah, nothing really is permanent in this word and not even the love we cherished would be with us forever, there’s no guarantee about love and getting risk is still the final answer but then we have to take chances to find our self first and learn what really love means.

 

But then somehow along the way, the saying “no pain no gain” is still applicable in my life right now

"VICTIM WITH MY OWN CHOICE"

I was awaken by the loud ring of the phone; (sigh) I hate waking up early but then the caller must be too persistent, it keeps on ringing. I sigh again and pick the phone. He calls in the middle of the dawn to tell me story that I never thought it would be more painful than it is. For about 30 minutes I was shock and all I did was listening; and that was the first time in my whole life that I did.

                                          

Hello, are you still there? He asks with a little crack on his voice I nodded and then realizing that I was asked someone by the phone then I said silently “yes”.

 

I just wanted to be honest with you Jeh, he said it again. Well when I know that you already have a Boyfriend, I sadly said to Him (no need to name names) that I was damn stupid for letting it happen being near too you is an advantage yet pass it by was the craziest thing I did, but I guess it shows that were not for each other and you let me learn a lesson that made me realize things.

As much as I wanted to let him stop, I have the will to listen that even it hurts I wanted to know what’s with him that makes my day as heavy as clouds outside the window, he continues as I am frantically breathing.

You make me realize that being to insecure can make and break me and I have lost the most important person in life.

 In that words the tears started to fall, I guess this is it! Oh how I hope he never learned such lesson, oh I hope he never had that courage to tell me; but then it’s all happening.

 

Then I ask, what did you mean? Why are you telling me all these stuff? With hesitant he answers. Well, after learning that we can’t be together I tried hard to change direction and accept it, He told me you already know what I felt, I realize last night that I have to move forward for I had already someone.

 

 I pause for awhile and think his what? He had someone? Gotcha! His making it hard for me, I silently cry and told him.

 Ah ok, that’s good, I know that you’re only thinking about the friendship and his also thinking about it too.  “Jeh” he calls my name again, and it sounds like an angel when he utters those three letters of my name.

 

I don’t know how it ended, I can’t tell how it hurts, and it is just like yesterday that I know he felt something then now his telling that he learned so he grabs every opportunity that he had. 

The gap will always be there the friendship will never stay the same.

 

As I sit by here what I learned that I never waited, if I just waited for a long time if I just don’t give up, there must be possibility.

 

What makes people more sentimental and sad is the thought that memories are the only thing that never changes when everything else does. And what are hard to erase is the memories that keeps on haunting and the unanswered “what if” in life.

 

I am the Victim of my own choices, and I what is hard is when I walk away I thought he would run after me. But then he decides to stop and I was left affected. 

If only I just wait, it must be a dream come true. Well, I am thinking their right; the best way to loose a friend is to tell him that you love him.

 

This is a typical story that sometimes we overlooked, we keep on finding for something too magical then there we realize that sometimes its making an illusion that in the middle of the madness we get to see that the one who we really dream is the one whose been there with us for such a long time; and then we taken them for granted that’s the irony of life and love itself.

 

 We were blinded of those frogs we kissed that we believe our price charming and we wait for the wrong prince for we extremely believe that they just go around finding the foot that fits the glass slipper, seeing the irony isn’t it?